Loving Slowly
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” —1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7 (NIV)
I get it. I really do. It is hard to be around suffering. There’s only so much we can take. We run out of steam. We are afraid or get overwhelmed by doubts. And sometimes we say really, really stupid things. Like “Well, at least….” These are the words of minimizers who want to reframe pain into something more palatable for them. It’s this kind of performative joy that exhausts the sufferer because suddenly they have become a problem to solve, rather than a person to be present with. Love is slower than that.
Theologian and nurse John Swinton reminds us that we need to be participating in what God is doing in the moment: “the continuing recreation of the world….God’s time is gentle, generous. It moves at the speed of love.” So the next time you are feeling uncomfortable in the face of someone’s suffering or tempted to reach for words like “well, at least…,” slow down. Move at the speed of love instead.
REFLECT
1. What are some of the most compassionate responses you have heard said to someone who is suffering?
2. What is your economy of time? Do you have plenty of time or never enough? How can you slow down this season and walk at the pace of love?
RESPOND
There are so many of us who are in “the fellowship of the afflicted,” as my friend Margaret Feinberg describes. Think of someone who is struggling. Send them a note or snail mail them a card reminding them that you are “On your team, always.”
A Blessing our Good Intentions
What do you want for Christmas?
The togetherness everybody needs, the plans that will ensure the smiles, the delights, the joys we want for the people we love.
For everyone to get along for once.
But God, how can we fit all these good intentions into the limited time we have?
And what if people won’t cooperate this year and the angels don’t sing?
And there’s not enough love to go around?
What if it won’t be a Hallmark Christmas?
God, bless our good intentions and our longings, and within them, free us.
Free us from our compressed agendas.
May we recognize, instead, our days are human-sized.
Free us from performative and prescriptive joy, the pressure to fix and solve.
May we have eyes to see the gentle delights that grow naturally.
Give us compassion for ourselves and others, and moments that are lived at the speed of love.
GOING DEEPER
Want to get better at responding to people’s pain? Kate offers what to say and what not to say to those who are suffering in her New York Times article, “What to Say When You Meet the Angel of Death at a Party.”
Listen to John Swinton explain the speed of love in this clip (1 minute) or listen to Kate and John’s entire conversation, “The Speed of Love” (33 minutes).